Is speed
is good for you?
Hello. It was one of those terminally graphic TV ads – some sort of 'road
safety' campaign intended to convince you that speeding was tantamount to being
a card-carrying member of the Malcolm Bryant fan club.
You may have seen it. A frantic mum is in the family four-wheel-drive and is
running late for an appointment. She takes a shortcut through the 'burbs, flooring
the right pedal along the way. Little Johnny scuttles out onto the road in pursuit
of his ball/dog/whatever and is skittled by the speeding femme. The kid dies,
his mum is distressed, and the driver ends up in the clink.
Initially I thought the moral was don't play in the front yard, with the sub-plot
being that by steering a four-wheel-drive in the city you're being a fool to
yourself and a burden to others. But nope, apparently it's that speeding makes
you a crim.
Fair 'nuff I suppose, but I have to say that pain and illegal speed don't necessarily
go together. Looking at the assorted spills and scars collected over the years
suggests that travelling under the posted limit is downright dangerous. Let's
examine some examples.
Like the time I was bump-starting a mate's bike, failed to make it onto the
seat when the second cylinder came on song, ended up running alongside, flat-out
in second, before eventually losing the plot and being highsided. (Estimated
impact speed: 50km/h in a 60 zone.)
Or the time I was bump-starting my wife's toy, hit a patch of black ice, and
ended up skidding down the road on my knees alongside the still-upright machine
until we both ran out of road... (Estimated impact speed: 15km/h in a 60 zone.)
It gets even uglier on the occasions I actually make it onto the seat. Like
when I took a recently rebuilt RD250 out for a test run and decked it on a tight
roundabout. Okay, it was raining, and we were on fresh tyres – so I should
have known better. (Estimated impact speed: 40km/h in a 60 zone.)
Or when I was scooting up a central Melbourne street and T-boned an ancient
Valiant. That was a doozey. Exit a bike with the frame pushed through the engine
cases, and a Chrysler with a bent chassis. (Estimated impact speed: 55km/h in
a 60 zone.)
Then there was the little incident where I was ogling someone in an interesting
skirt, and looked up to discover that some inconsiderate bastard had put a car
in my way. Missed the mobile chicane, but the combined forces of stopping a
motorcycle in a distance Mick Doohan would have been proud of conspired to turn
self and sickle on our collective ears. (Estimated impact speed: two km/h in
a 60 zone.)
Of course there was the time I was cruising along a sandy road near Mount Bloody
Hope, and knocked myself cold after a long and painful fight with a 250 kilo
road-burner through a deep patch of bulldust. Waking up in the wilds of western
NSW with a rooted bike, a monster headache, and no idea of where you are is
not a pleasant experience. (Estimated impact speed: 80km/h in a 100 zone.)
Let's not forget the particularly irresponsible incident – a long time
ago, I hasten to add – where I attempted to leave a party in a state that
could be described as comprehensively pissed. Fortunately I didn't even make
it to the front gate... (Estimated impact speed: 10 km/h in an unrestricted
zone.)
The truly annoying aspect of this is all of the damage has been done to my own,
or a close friend's, motorcycle. Which meant I had to pay for the grief. The
countless test bikes over the same time all got off scot-free. Well, there was
one exception which I'd prefer not to discuss – though the obviously blind
dingbat in the Ford ended up funding it. (Estimated impact speed: 30km/h in
a 60 zone.)
By now you may have detected a pattern: the shite hit the proverbial fan at
well below the maximum recommended velocities. Which suggests two possibilities.
1. The posted speed limits are much too high. 2. They are much too low. Being
what the more conservative elements of my family regard as a loon unencumbered
by any self-preservation instincts, and having had many incident-free trips
where the pace resembled the speed limits on Mars more closely than those on
Earth, I lean towards Proposition 2.
What think you?
Guy "Guido" Allen
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